by Stephanie Linehan
It was the fall of 1995. An auditorium full of college students on the University of Northern Iowa* campus. Dozens of us listening to speakers on the consequences of drinking alcohol. They were a dynamic, fired-up, and funny duo. They had us laughing. They shared about that one track mind you tend to get when you’ve had too much to drink. You’re set on one thing and that one thing only. In their case it was getting that chicken burrito at the end of the night (wish I could reenact and be as funny as they were animating and explaining this). Hands to your face, vertical to your temples, making that motion going back and forth. Tunnel vision for that chicken burrito. For us at UNI, it was good ole thick-crusted, rectangular-cut, served-in-paper-plate-boats, greasy, uber cheesy Stein Pizza at 2:00 a.m.. #iykyk.
Fast-forward a bit through college graduation; an apartment in Eagan, MN and an apartment in Minneapolis, MN - each for a year with my friend, Alli. And then settling back in River Falls, WI. Adulthood, wifehood, motherhood. And nonetheless, my usual and predictable ‘time of the month.’ Now it’s not laser-focus on a chicken burrito or Stein Pizza. It’s a DQ** Blizzard. Yep, that. Nothing was going to stand in my way for that each month of my life! I had to have it. And just like the relief and satisfaction and fulfillment of that Stein Pizza, it was now a chocolate ice cream/Snickers/brownie pieces yummy concoction.
When I left teaching, many people asked me, “Oh, is it the politics?” “No.” “Is it the parents?” “No, not really.” “It’s the kids these days, isn’t it?” “No, definitely not the kids.” Thinking back, I felt like I had been harboring some anger. An anger that I wasn’t breaking free to be more me. That I wasn’t following my own teaching heart. Following my own heart in general.
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho written in 1987, is the story of a shepherd boy compelled to cross the African desert en route to the Egyptian Pyramids after he dreams of finding a treasure. In pursuit of what he calls his Personal Legend, he meets many people - ones he would have never met. Also along the way were many obstacles, omens, and lessons learned. He finally reaches his destination only to realize everything leading up to this point was what was of real importance - the journey and frankly, his own heart. That was the true treasure. At the end, he wanted to turn around. He yearned to go back. He wanted to … return.
This is everything that it was like for me pursuing P3i. A laser-focus (my chicken burrito) and my own Personal Legend (the shepherd boy). I just had to do it. I had to prove to myself I could do it. It felt like a summit I had to reach. To prove my dream of owning and running my own company. A company that helped empower people and remind them to promote one another and honor the perfectly imperfect in each other. My vision. My goal. It’s not a cross-off-the-list kind of feeling. Rather, it’s a developed and matured awareness. Perhaps after all, an empowerment within myself. Mother Teresa was quoted for saying, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” Set out but turn right around. ;)
I have read, listened, observed, experienced, learned, and realized that it is indeed a return. But you have to go out and find out for yourself first, like the shepherd boy. It’s like that chicken burrito. It‘s like that DQ Blizzard treat. It’s like the shepherd’s Personal Legend. You can’t let it go. You have to try. You have to find out.
I love weeding. I love clearing out the brush to get to the beauty. That’s what seeking your Personal Legend is. Pursuing it so you can witness and experience that relief, satisfaction, and fulfillment in knowing - just like the feeling after devouring my DQ Blizzard concoction hopefully. Work through and clear that path - get rid of all that brush, sort-a-speak, move forward, and eventually realize, it’s really a return. A return to your own heart. A return to your heart that was always the treasure at hand in the first place.
It’s cliche and it’s taken me nearly 50 years but follow your own heart, people. <3
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* I still have nightmares about running across campus, confused by all the buildings, and being late to class, btw.
** I worked at Dairy Queen in high school and returned for one summer after college. Aside from my parents, I credit DQ owner, Dave Johnson, for instilling in me a hard work ethic. We had to hustle and scrub and clean like you wouldn’t believe. I am very grateful for his high expectations back then.
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‘Finding yourself’ is not really how it works. You aren’t a ten dollar bill in last winter’s coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became who you are. ‘Finding yourself’ is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you. - Emily McDowell
When you can’t take on the world, take on yourself. - Unknown
You get to decide who you're going to disappoint,who you're going to say no to. Picture your relationships like concentric circles: the inner circle is your spouse, your children, your very best friends. Then the next circle out is your extended family and good friends. Then people you know, but not well, colleagues, and so on, to the outer edge. Aim to disappoint the people at the center as rarely as possible. And then learn to be more and more comfortable with disappointing the people who lie at the edges of the circle - people you're not as close to, people who do not and should not require your unflagging dedication. - Shauna Niequist
That’s all I know so far. - Pink
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